What are you most proud of in your life?
Disclaimer: I’m speaking, this blog into existence, utilizing my AirPod pros. Get you a pair click the link.
Introduction
Hear me out. You probably saw the title and thought this could be interesting. It will be. There was a point in my life where I wanted to become a police officer. I was Yung, hungry and fearless, as well as careless. Nothing mattered other than getting up and doing nothing but eat sleep and well you know how that goes.
I weighed about 268 pounds. I worked out every day. Never did any cardio always focused on lifting more and more thinking because I’m swinging I’m losing fat. Little did I know what was going to happen in my future would change my perception of life.
You are Failing Right Now
You are failing right now. Say that again. Say, I’m failing at something right now, but I’m not a failure. Failures are the opportunity to start over again with the knowledge of what not to do. Do you ever want something so bad that it didn’t matter what people told you and you would just go after it. Sound like a kid you once knew or you know now? We all have been there before.
I really thought the way to life after high school bus to work out every day eat sleep and shit and repeat. Little did I know that my life was like an hour glass and time is running out. I decided to apply to a Bay Area Police Department. It once was a renowned city full of culture in life. At that current time and year I told myself let me go be a part of the change when it comes to law-enforcement.
The Process before Failing
I’ll be brief because this could take more time than necessary to get my point across. Learning from the process is my biggest insight for you. Start with the application, peace, officer, standards, test, fitness test, and then an acceptance to an interview. Now keep in mind all of those things you have to pass and compete on paper against hundreds if not, thousands applicants from around the state and world. Oh, and don’t forget the legacy kids apparent that work there or friends of kids, parents who work there at that department.
You didn’t have to go through an extensive background check where they check the box on who you are from the age of 16 until your current birthdate. I was 24 years old. The process was long and intense, full of interviews and one on ones with the background officer and batteries, a test, psychological physical mental, you name it.
I was doing great and I was passing everything. However, I still got up every day eat sleep and shit and worked out like I was going to be the biggest cop on the beat. Little did I know that I was setting myself up for failure.
When failure became real
It was an exciting day. My background officer said come see me and let’s chat. He also then reminded me that next few weeks when I get the call for a Medical eval, he would like me to focus on just cardio instead of being a meathead in the gym. He was a big guy himself. However, he reminded me that at one point he was young and hungry, and was in better shape than now as I was talking to him.
So I started cardio. And then realized if I’m going to have to run multiple miles a day and the Academy is less than three months away. Can I be ready in time to be successful? Even though I thought about it, I did nothing. I just continue to eat sleep in shit and sometimes smoke two or three cigarettes a day.
My cousin and my best friend started saying hey, do you think you should be still smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol and hanging out all night if you were getting ready to join a Bay Area Police Department? Everyone says you have to be in the best shape of your life until you become a cop. Isn’t that ironic? You’re the best shape going in in the worship going out? At least from what we see today cops being out of shape more than InShape.
Phone call came in and it was time. I was contacted by administrator who explain to me the process and what I need to bring with me when I attend my medical and psychological evaluation. She reminded me that it would be with a professional clinical psychiatrist who has already received my background information and looked over it before I met them. If she is approved of me, moving forward, I would then go to a clinic set up in the next room for medical.
Failed before I started
I arrived to a Bay Area office, set up an apartment in Medical and psychological evaluations. I checked in set down next to a few people who look like me and you feel like me, and some new were made for it. Talk about anxiety settling in. A few people came out looked happy, some stressed, and some defeated. I ran into one gentleman in the bathroom and he said he’s in the best shape has ever been. However, he has a feeling his medical mall go his way. I wished him well and good luck.
Then my name got called. It was time to walk in and meet the person who can change the direction of my application to approved or denied. The lady at the tables and walk down the hall make a left and a right into the office with the sign, psychological evaluation. Little did I know, until after the fact, the looks I got from people when I said, I wanted to be a cop. Maybe they were a cop already or someone in administration, they knew I was going to fail.
Psychological eval – Smile you failed
Soon as I walked into the door, dressed, impressed, full of confidence, I saw a lady sitting at the end of the room in the corner at a table. She looked at me fixed her glasses. She proceeded to leave me over and started looking at my background paperwork. She said please take a seat.
A moment send anyone spying when they are applying for a job or waiting for an approval versus what I got. Shoot me very calmly and said you failed psychological evaluation. I look at her, smiling nervously, not realizing what she said. She did the paperwork down and said I’m glad you were still smiling. Let me tell you why.
She basically told me you were out of shape. You wouldn’t last a day for a minute in a fight for your life. She said I’d be introducing the community to an officer that isn’t ready for a moment of fight or flight. She told me being in the best shape I can be with weights is not the same cardiovascularly, which is imperative.
I still didn’t understand that I failed. She said do not give up and keep that smile. Your background and paperwork shows you were a good person, but I’d be approving you to die in a fight for your life. Being a cop is an about being the strongest physically. It’s also about being the strongest internally heart and mind. If you were not internally strong with your mindset, your heart, you will die in the streets fighting. We cannot have that.
Failed, Now What
I thanked her for her time and left. It took a few days to understand what had happened. I asked myself. What did I do wrong and what did I need to do better? After going out with a couple of friends, they said, what can we do to help you? I was in a bad place. I’m mentally field, and I was overwhelmed. I felt like everything I did, for the past year was worthless.
It got worse
After failing, I got right back in the gym and started doing cardio twice a day. I stopped eating so much rice and beef, and started focusing on eating healthier. Within 30 days I lost 36 pounds, but I didn’t know was that my success would become another failure.
Crash and Burn
Here’s the crazy part. I still kept smoking cigarettes, however, slowly tapered off. 0500 and 2100 double days and double the time to lose weight. I was doing great I was feeling good. I was looking good and everyone saw it. Low carb keto Kenny. The mirror told it all. However, internally lack of sleep and overworking, my body was a different story brewing. Suspenseful, thriller, in the making.
I was driving home after my morning workout. Just a normal day. Driving home feeling good. Failure is done and behind me. And then boom! I woke up behind another parked car. Not sure of what happened. A jogger said she saw me fall asleep at the wheel. She called 911.
Thankfully, I wasn’t hurt because I was in a calm state per the fire fighter and medical evaluation. They said that in an accident when you are not tense or preventing yourself from being hurt typically people won’t get hurt. Little did I know that the department I applied for a sergeant walked out and it was his wife’s car I hit. My mother who came to my aid with my cousin told she felt so bad for me because I was so focused to lose weight.
He said, maybe this is what he needs to get back to what matters and that’s his health. He knew me and saw me daily working on myself and said that’s why we have insurance kid. Now take care of yourself and you’ll get through this.
Dwelling in failure
When you own a car that is well over 10 years old crashing it basically means the end. As we all know, the value isn’t there, and it will be automatically considered salvaged. Being that I didn’t have a steady job or income to support buy new car, broken and battered. Thankfully, my stepdad stepped in and helped me with a gambling win of money.
He said he was so used to me being so alive and vibrant that one day he passed my room and could tell I was dwelling on my failure, and that I was at the point or at least on the edge. I truly failed everyone and myself and it hit me really hard. It sucked I sucked everything sucked. No car no brand new job as a Bay Area Police officer. Just another fat failure.
Then I had an Epiphany and a mindfulness moment. And I got my car back and it was fully painted red and it was almost as if my car being reborn helped me be reborn. I got in the car, took a deep breath and picked up my cousin. He was super happy for me and said let’s celebrate have a barbecue and I want you to get back on your diet. That was the moment I took the brand new pack of cigarettes and threw it in the garbage.
Conclusion
I know there is so much to the story that you probably want to know more about however, my goal wasn’t to tell you my story, however, to tell you a part of it I hope that the little pieces of the story will help you put together the puzzle. We call life and its complexities. We have to understand best we can that life is meant to be lived not to be talked about not to sit, and while about not to get under a blanket or a desk and hide, but to truly understand what resiliency means, and what success looks like.
If you want to find success, you’re on the right track, looking into peoples blogs and learning from others failures is the key to life and how you can mitigate or prevent yourself from going down a path known to slow others down. Now, keep in mind there is no real way to get around or not experience failure. It’s apart of the processes we will love out our in our entire time on this side of the green.
Hit the like ⭐️ follow and share!
Failure Recommendations
The Complete Ketogenic Diet for Beginners
Note: my Amazon associates links are tied to the products I recommended and own above. Check them out. There is no extra costs to you for using my links. I do get a tiny commission and every little bit helps.